1
00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:58,130
loved me.

2
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:55,960
I meant I leak inwards, not outwards. My
skin is porous. That's why I never go

3
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,460
out in the rain. I get waterlogged.

4
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,360
I thought I was a daft one.

5
00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:06,820
Tom! What?

6
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:08,900
Drown yourself.

7
00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:10,740
No, I won't.

8
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:26,390
get out of here.

9
00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:27,770
Diana!

10
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,050
What? Are you in?

11
00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:31,870
No, I've gone down to the shops.

12
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,790
Oh, all right. I'll come back later.

13
00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:40,390
I must. I must get out of here.

14
00:03:40,850 --> 00:03:42,530
What do you want, Jane?

15
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,010
No, it's all right. I'll wait till you
get back.

16
00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:49,890
It is like living in Salvador Dali's
dustbin.

17
00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:52,070
Jane, I...

18
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:05,060
I believe he's renegotiating the 1918
Treaty of Versailles in order to avoid

19
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,060
Second World War.

20
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:09,060
Well, that sounds very constructive.

21
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:14,260
It's pretty you can do something more
useful, like stopping a war, instead of

22
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:15,940
making fun of me all the time.

23
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,500
What do you want, Jane?

24
00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:19,920
Harvey is very upset.

25
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,260
Oh, jolly good.

26
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,120
That suit cost him 500 pounds.

27
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:28,540
Oh, yes. And was that the 500 pounds
that he miraculously won on the new

28
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,820
dialysis machine raffle?

29
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:36,140
£500 he has saved on catering since he
started feeding us dead dog and tarmac

30
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,140
stew every day.

31
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,200
Diana, you do him wrong.

32
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,460
Harvey is a good, kind, honourable man.

33
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,900
He is a thieving little toad with all
the morality of a rabbit on an 1830

34
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:48,900
holiday.

35
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,320
His patience is not endless, you know.

36
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,640
One day you'll push him too far.

37
00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:58,760
That is the only thing that keeps me
alive.

38
00:05:02,950 --> 00:05:07,730
you this last outrage if you agree to
take part in his latest scheme.

39
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:12,770
Oh, my God, what is it this time? Not
more wheelchair ballroom dancing.

40
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:14,770
That was very popular.

41
00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:19,150
It was disastrous. During the Gay
Gordons, three people lost a leg. Oh,

42
00:05:19,150 --> 00:05:20,150
didn't what?

43
00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:24,710
Conga line ended up wheeling out onto
the M3.

44
00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:28,250
Twisted metal, blue tulle and sequins
all over the place.

45
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:29,810
Mary!

46
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,580
Motivated idea.

47
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,720
Nonsense. He was just trying to kill off
all those people who still needed care.

48
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,240
You wait. He'll have them trapped to
their chairs and be dragging them off

49
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,300
compulsory skydiving.

50
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,720
He wants to bring in some young people.

51
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:50,480
Ah, I knew it. At last, he has worked
out that the thing that makes an old

52
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,100
people's place unprofitable is the old
people.

53
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,600
So, replace them with young people.
Brilliant. Bring on a dancing

54
00:05:57,020 --> 00:05:58,020
Have you finished?

55
00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,140
Barely started.

56
00:05:59,790 --> 00:06:04,490
I had this wonderful idea that the
reason old people feel old is the lack

57
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,030
young people around them.

58
00:06:06,270 --> 00:06:08,070
No, no, no. That's what makes them feel
happy.

59
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:11,630
Most old people, at least this one,
detect the young.

60
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:16,870
Oh, if you wanted to bring in some
students to sort of liven things up a

61
00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:20,110
get you all to interrelate with the
local community.

62
00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:21,930
That was my idea.

63
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,630
Oh, hello, Tom.

64
00:06:23,890 --> 00:06:25,190
Is there war often?

65
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:26,790
War? What war?

66
00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,510
The Second World War.

67
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,400
I thought they'd already had it.

68
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:36,000
Yes, but haven't you been in Versailles
trying to rewrite the end of the First

69
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:41,760
World War Treaty in order to stop the
Second World War, which we've already

70
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,760
Oh, I don't know. I seem to be getting a
bit confused.

71
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,340
What is the matter with her?

72
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:49,680
It's a sexual frustration.

73
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,980
If it doesn't find an outlet, it tends
to back up her system, then she blows a

74
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:56,980
fuse all over the place.

75
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,500
Diana?

76
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:08,719
Right, right, Jane.

77
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,340
Diana, don't be mean to the poor girl.
Oh, thank you, Tom.

78
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,260
Was he any good?

79
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,640
Is he a genuine brunette?

80
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,720
We don't want young people around here.
I like young people. I was young once.

81
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:40,560
No, you weren't. You were born aged 65
with more wrinkles than an elephant's

82
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,560
scrotum.

83
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,320
So,

84
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:52,240
what does Marmy Chops want this time?

85
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,340
He says he wants to have a chat with us.

86
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:55,740
We're not having Tom home.

87
00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:57,900
Oh, look, hitchhikers.

88
00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,600
Run them over.

89
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,840
I think we'll be a little Christian
today, dear.

90
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,120
Are you out of your mind?

91
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,020
Hi. Not going anywhere near Bayview
Retirement Home, are you?

92
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,340
We're going right there.

93
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:16,920
Hop in. Thanks.

94
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:19,020
They'll murder us.

95
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,500
They're very kind of you.

96
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,120
Most charming.

97
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,000
And when they've killed you...

98
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:39,270
In fact, I'll be dragged off into the
woods and have my clothes torn from me.

99
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:43,630
Come

100
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:52,650
on,

101
00:08:52,670 --> 00:08:53,670
little birdies.

102
00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:54,790
Come on.

103
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:02,090
That was one of the most blatantly
malevolent acts I have ever seen. Oh, I

104
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:02,789
get them.

105
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:05,170
I'm just restructuring their image of
the elderly.

106
00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:07,670
Oh, sweet old things.

107
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:11,250
No, some of us are right vicious old
bats.

108
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:14,770
Precisely. Being unpleasant is not just
the prerogative of the young.

109
00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:18,690
It's not to learn the lesson.

110
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:22,710
But do you think that the average
sparrow really comprehends the deeper

111
00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:24,250
complexities of that lesson?

112
00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:25,269
Who cares?

113
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:28,430
As I thought, you really enjoy being
nasty.

114
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,340
The monsters are here.

115
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,300
Oh, goodness, how the children have
grown.

116
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:51,080
It seemed like only yesterday they were
seven and eight, and here they are now,

117
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,500
prices older than prices many.

118
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,080
Do shut up. They're not their children.

119
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:57,860
Oh, good.

120
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,860
Both I have mislaid the odd decade.

121
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:05,560
Harvey's young people come to
interrelate with us.

122
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,020
What does that mean?

123
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,320
Bore us to death.

124
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,160
What's Marion doing?

125
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,920
She seems to have fainted into the arms
of that young man.

126
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,320
He's giving her the kiss of life. Yes.

127
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,260
She's supposed to kiss him back.

128
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,639
Silly me.

129
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,620
How is she? It must have been the heat.
It's actually quite chilly, dear.

130
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:29,460
Something else then, wasn't it?

131
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:31,960
I can't help it if I have a bit of a
faint.

132
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:36,660
Just as well that young man was there to
catch me with his strong, young,

133
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:38,000
rippling arm.

134
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,580
What's the problem this time?

135
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,380
Diana tried to kill me.

136
00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:43,860
She didn't.

137
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:46,920
She got Tom to pretend to drown him. She
pushed me in.

138
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,260
My Giorgio Armani has shrunk.

139
00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:50,940
Sir Geoffrey's years ago.

140
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,580
She's going to kill Tom one of these
days. Oh, good. Shut up, Marion.

141
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:57,950
What do you want us to do? We've tried
every which way of getting rid of her,

142
00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,009
but she's still here.

143
00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:02,410
We haven't tried moral grounds. There is
no morals clause in the residence

144
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:05,890
contract. Ah, yes, but this land is
gifted to us by the church, and as such

145
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:10,390
are bound to obey this... Oh, yes, this
book of guidelines for use of church

146
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,390
land.

147
00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:13,510
Oh, look, it's in Old English.

148
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:15,110
See here.

149
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:23,210
Whoforever fell refied on this land...

150
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:29,000
Must not be a known fornicator,
adulterer or cattle thief.

151
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,380
God, what a boring place.

152
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:31,620
Diana is not a cattle thief.

153
00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,340
No, not there. The final paragraph.

154
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:40,580
Nor must there be any behaviour on this
land deemed corrupting in any way

155
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,580
whatsoever.

156
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,900
When were these things written?

157
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,580
1543? Yes, but they're still perfectly
valid. You're out of your mind. This

158
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,120
would never stand up in court today.

159
00:11:50,730 --> 00:11:52,770
You'd better get to you. This'll never
work.

160
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:55,850
We do have two church commissioners on
the board. But Diana's not going to rush

161
00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:59,650
out and steal cattle. No, but if she
were caught corrupting someone, they'd

162
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:00,650
to throw her out.

163
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,790
Some sort of young person.

164
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,350
I'm not sure I'm quite with this.

165
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:07,610
Oh, God, you're sick.

166
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:11,870
He wants to catch Diana shacked up with
some young buck stud.

167
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:17,510
Well, you know, all chipped teeth and
chains and greasy hair and...

168
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:23,840
biceps and... the jacket and... Oh, God.

169
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,000
Where on earth are you going to find
someone like that?

170
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:36,080
So, there they all were in this railway
carriage, the German high command, a bit

171
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,560
down in the dumps. Saying they'd just
lost the war.

172
00:12:38,860 --> 00:12:39,860
Right.

173
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,100
Everyone was amigunering when I came up
with my master plan.

174
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,440
What, nuke the lot of them?

175
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:46,820
No, Diana.

176
00:12:47,790 --> 00:12:49,510
I was trying to prevent conflict.

177
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,230
Well, if you blow up the generals and
the politicians, you would prevent

178
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,530
conflict. I suggested tiddlywinks.

179
00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:56,530
Tiddlywinks? Yes.

180
00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:01,410
Whenever there was conflict, the
countries involved would send their best

181
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:05,350
tiddlywinkers to fight it out in some
convenient stadium, like Wembley.

182
00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,830
Winner take all, like a title fight.

183
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:09,130
And what did they say to that?

184
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,270
They all made farty noises and threw me
out.

185
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:17,070
That's why we had the Second World War.
Yes, I'm sure it was.

186
00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:19,520
Alice, you've been here. Bob and Carol,
this way.

187
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:24,840
Tom, Diana, I brought some young people
to meet you. Bob and Carol, Tom and

188
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,520
Diana. Ah, sweet bloom of you.

189
00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:30,560
Hello. Delighted to meet you.

190
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:33,180
Now, do sit down. Oh, yes.

191
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,800
Deidre, would you get up for a minute?

192
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,580
Thank you very much. Go on, have a seat.

193
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:44,080
Bobby and Carol are doing social studies
at the local polytechnic, so I'm sure

194
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,380
you'll have lots to talk about.

195
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,200
Well, away you go then. Chat, chat,
chat.

196
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,060
Terry Young, come this way.

197
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:54,520
Well, isn't it fun?

198
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,620
Great fun.

199
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,480
Isn't it fun, Diana? No, it is not fun.

200
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,360
Look, I've got nothing against either of
you personally. I'm sure both you and

201
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,960
your social studies are extremely
worthy.

202
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,700
But I have no desire to be part of
anyone's project.

203
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:13,520
Look, you are young.

204
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,800
We are old.

205
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,100
There are vast...

206
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,580
unbridgeable chasms between us.

207
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:23,000
And I have no intention of wasting my
time being the subject of such blatant

208
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000
tokenism.

209
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,160
Oh.

210
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:31,720
Take no notice of her, Carol. She was
weaned by wolves and ate brown glass

211
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,780
sandwiches. She gives gangrene a good
name and bites the heads off... Thank

212
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:36,780
Tom.

213
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,020
I'd heard she was a rather brilliant
photographer.

214
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,260
Really? And where did you hear that?

215
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,240
I'm quite keen on photography myself.

216
00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:46,580
I've got your book, Postcards from Asia.

217
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,720
And how did you know it was me?

218
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:51,520
The picture on the back cover.

219
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,400
You recognised me from a 25 -year -old
photograph?

220
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,440
Well, you haven't changed much.

221
00:15:02,340 --> 00:15:03,340
Tom!

222
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,000
I'm sure these charming young people
would love a glass of wine.

223
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:08,660
Great idea.

224
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,420
Agnes!

225
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,740
You whop it down quick, it only takes
out your back teeth.

226
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,320
I'm sorry, Bob, but what do you mean?

227
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:22,920
What I said, I can't go through with it.
Why on earth not?

228
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,780
Diana is a nice lady.

229
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,860
No, she's not. She's a vicious old
hatchet.

230
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:33,160
Look, you promised me a place here for
my old gran when one became available.

231
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:37,100
Yeah, and she'll get one. Well, then you
told me about this really nasty lady

232
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,500
who you wanted to get rid of and how I
could be of help.

233
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:40,920
Right, but where's the problem?

234
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,480
I just can't do it.

235
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:43,779
She's OK.

236
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:44,860
I like her.

237
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,540
We are talking about Diana Trent.

238
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:48,900
Yes.

239
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,420
£500.

240
00:15:57,180 --> 00:16:01,620
Now, that's an awfully long holiday on
the sun -soaked beaches of Ibiza, and a

241
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:04,000
happy haven for your granny in her
twilight years.

242
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:18,750
Are you such fun to corrupt?

243
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:24,870
I was good, you know.

244
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:26,670
Oh, yes.

245
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:30,650
Oh, I'd forgotten that one.

246
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:32,270
Dien Bien Phu.

247
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:33,850
Bless you.

248
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:35,830
In Vietnam.

249
00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:39,190
No one was allowed to enter, but I got
in.

250
00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:41,450
I seducing a helicopter pilot.

251
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,510
Not while he was driving it, I trust.

252
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:46,930
Bob was right.

253
00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,450
I was still quite a looker in those
days.

254
00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:51,490
1967.

255
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,570
Great year, 1967.

256
00:16:56,050 --> 00:17:00,070
I was a hippie flower child living on
the west coast of Croydon.

257
00:17:00,470 --> 00:17:03,810
Yes, of course you were. Mr Easy Rider
himself.

258
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:06,609
Right. I put on my shades.

259
00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:11,349
I kick -started the old Morris Minor and
set off to find the true heart of

260
00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:13,310
America. And where did you find it?

261
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,300
in a dusty gas station just south of
Bathingstone.

262
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,540
It was high noon.

263
00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:23,160
Oh, don't forsake me, oh, my darling.

264
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,220
Oh, for God's sake, Tom, will you stop
mixing your movies?

265
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,280
You've got me a headache just trying to
keep up with you.

266
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,900
You've got a headache because you banged
down two bottles of that Chateau

267
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,840
Casawaki. You shouldn't think, you know.

268
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:39,400
There's nothing more grotesque than
watching an old mudcrab like yourself

269
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,620
to behave like La Coquette.

270
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,020
But I was not.

271
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,310
And I saw you.

272
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:50,650
He looked into your eyes and told you
you were still a very attractive woman.

273
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:55,810
And suddenly it was all chest out,
stomach in, and flushing like ten

274
00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:56,810
a row.

275
00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:02,210
No. I was just having an interesting
conversation with a young man.

276
00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:04,470
Old enough to be his grandmother.

277
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:07,790
Exactly, yes. But some young men like
older women.

278
00:18:08,010 --> 00:18:09,670
Like that fellow in Psycho.

279
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,350
That was his mother and she was dead.

280
00:18:16,110 --> 00:18:18,610
Well, you're in with a chance then.

281
00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:24,290
I find this exchange extremely
tasteless.

282
00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:27,850
I was merely having a decent
conversation with someone who was

283
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:30,890
At least he wasn't telling me how he
would have won the Crimean War.

284
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:35,490
I think he tickled your fancy. Let's
just drop it, shall we?

285
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:38,330
Probably never see them again anyway.

286
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,420
Got their own lives to lead. They've
salved their consciences for a while.

287
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,900
Won't even think about us again.

288
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:52,380
Maybe in 50 years, when they wake up and
find themselves in a place like this,

289
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:59,080
some memory echo might let them recall
us, who have long since parked

290
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,660
to dust and been blown away on the
winter wind.

291
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,280
Totally forgotten.

292
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,370
Oh, do cheer up.

293
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,510
I can't. I've got no reason to.

294
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:15,450
Hello? Anyone in?

295
00:19:15,830 --> 00:19:17,550
Bob, come in.

296
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:18,569
Hi, Di.

297
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:19,570
Hi, Bob.

298
00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:21,250
Hi, Tom. Hi, Lily.

299
00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:22,790
Hi, Lily.

300
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,550
Hi, Lily. Hi, Lily. Hi, Lou.

301
00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:27,910
Take no notice. He's quite gaga.

302
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:31,230
That's me, Gaga McLoopy, at your
service.

303
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:33,590
Must be off.

304
00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:36,830
Never let him see that I was Hamish the
Gooseberry.

305
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,160
Hawkeye the New, as they say in Cardiff.

306
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:46,720
And he was once a famous diplomat. Yes,
he caused the Second World War.

307
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:51,620
So, what brings you round here then,
Bob?

308
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,220
Well, I was just about to go for a bit
of a walk. I was wondering if you might

309
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:57,220
like to come with me.

310
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,259
A walk?

311
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,880
Yes, I'd love a chat.

312
00:20:00,180 --> 00:20:01,980
Oh, sure. Great idea.

313
00:20:03,179 --> 00:20:05,520
Usually go for a bit of a hike about
now. Oh, terrific.

314
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,700
Do you want your stick? Stick? What
stick?

315
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,500
Oh, no, no, that's not my stick. That's
Tom's stick.

316
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,360
Here. Poor old soul.

317
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,280
Right.

318
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,400
Let's burn a little shoe leather. Right.

319
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,180
Tears before bedtime.

320
00:20:47,590 --> 00:20:49,290
Well, you are a pillar, can't you?

321
00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:50,710
Oh, go boil your head.

322
00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:55,890
Tripping across the field like a 17
-year -old land girl? It had nothing to

323
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:57,810
with my going for a walk. It was the
west wind.

324
00:20:58,110 --> 00:21:00,410
Oh. Makes my hip play up.

325
00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:02,670
Oh, yes, of course. West wind.

326
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,850
Nothing to do with you being an old
creaky tub long since bound for the

327
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:07,850
breaker's yard.

328
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:09,790
Oh, bite your bum.

329
00:21:12,530 --> 00:21:15,090
So, what happened?

330
00:21:16,159 --> 00:21:19,780
Did young Heathcliff have his way with
the decrepit old Miss Havisham?

331
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:25,380
We went for a walk. He told me one or
two interesting things.

332
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,320
We had a cup of tea and then I tagged
back here.

333
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,280
Oh, how boring.

334
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,160
I thought you might be Tessa the
Dovervilling all over the place. No,

335
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,540
to Lucretia Bouldering, thank you.

336
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,620
What are you up to?

337
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,340
I can't think what you mean.

338
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,320
Hello? Anyone in? We've done all those
jokes, Geoffrey.

339
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:46,290
Hello, boy. What's up?

340
00:21:46,530 --> 00:21:47,950
I've just been seeing the old Harvey.

341
00:21:48,150 --> 00:21:49,370
Then you'll want to wash your hands.

342
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:52,490
He had a rather good idea.

343
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,050
He's going to lobotomise himself.

344
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:58,170
He thought that because the young person
thing was so popular that you should

345
00:21:58,170 --> 00:21:59,270
all get together again socially.

346
00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:02,010
So we're going to have a fruit cup and a
knees up at our place.

347
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:05,450
Good idea, eh? Oh, to the highlight of
the social calendar.

348
00:22:05,910 --> 00:22:09,190
I'm sure Nigel Dempster is on red alert
even as we speak.

349
00:22:10,470 --> 00:22:12,510
Will there be hard drugs and soft women?

350
00:22:12,850 --> 00:22:13,850
Dad, please.

351
00:22:14,810 --> 00:22:15,810
Is Bob invited?

352
00:22:16,050 --> 00:22:16,789
Oh, yes.

353
00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:19,730
Top of the list. I think he's taken a
bit of a shine to you, Diana.

354
00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:23,250
Well, we'll be there with bells on. I
fancy a bit of rock and roll.

355
00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:26,550
But you're hip. I know I am. That's why
I'll be there.

356
00:22:29,570 --> 00:22:30,570
What?

357
00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:32,030
Oh.

358
00:22:32,870 --> 00:22:34,570
Oh, I've got it. Play on words.

359
00:22:34,890 --> 00:22:35,890
Pun.

360
00:22:36,030 --> 00:22:37,350
Hip. Hip.

361
00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,610
All right.

362
00:22:40,530 --> 00:22:42,710
Oh, Geoffrey, do stop being such an old
woman.

363
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,840
Of course it will work.

364
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,240
Yes, yes, all right. I'll buy the drink.

365
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,100
And if we get rid of Diana, I'll give
your charming wife enough paint stripper

366
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:54,780
to keep her eyeballs rolling for a
month.

367
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:57,240
Bye -bye, Geoffrey.

368
00:22:58,180 --> 00:22:59,180
Cave dweller.

369
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:00,920
Never mind.

370
00:23:00,940 --> 00:23:04,780
If young Bob pulls it off, I'll be a man
without a care in the world.

371
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,960
Hello, Harvey. Just hang on to the
worthwhile.

372
00:23:11,060 --> 00:23:12,460
Is it really you, Jane?

373
00:23:13,230 --> 00:23:14,230
Oh, yes, Harvey.

374
00:23:14,630 --> 00:23:17,130
Then why are you wearing something from
a 50s horror movie?

375
00:23:17,510 --> 00:23:19,810
I'm wearing my best party frock.

376
00:23:20,010 --> 00:23:23,510
Why? I heard there was going to be a
party tonight.

377
00:23:24,010 --> 00:23:29,410
Thought you might like an exotic siren
on your arm. So, here I am. Oh, Jane.

378
00:23:30,130 --> 00:23:32,090
I have an image to keep up here, Jane.

379
00:23:32,730 --> 00:23:36,030
I can't be seen out in public with
something that looks like a reject from

380
00:23:36,030 --> 00:23:37,030
Christmas tree.

381
00:23:37,470 --> 00:23:38,870
Harvey? Yes, Jane?

382
00:23:39,070 --> 00:23:41,410
I've been going through this week's
accounts.

383
00:23:41,630 --> 00:23:42,630
Oh, yes?

384
00:23:48,590 --> 00:23:49,429
Arthur Jones.

385
00:23:49,430 --> 00:23:50,690
Ah, dear old Arthur.

386
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:53,390
Harvey, Arthur isn't dead.

387
00:23:54,510 --> 00:23:55,510
Not dead?

388
00:23:55,890 --> 00:23:57,190
You mean he's recovered?

389
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,470
Oh, jolly good.

390
00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:05,210
And I'm not sure the board would fully
comprehend £600 residence outing to

391
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,650
Emporio Armani, Knightsbridge.

392
00:24:09,110 --> 00:24:10,110
Ah.

393
00:24:11,930 --> 00:24:13,630
Jane. Yes, Harvey?

394
00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:16,510
What are you doing this evening, Jane?

395
00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:18,250
Oh, what a surprise.

396
00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:21,720
I don't know. Better check my diary.

397
00:24:28,940 --> 00:24:29,479
Yeah,

398
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:36,360
when I finish

399
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,600
my exams, I want to travel for a while
before I get into a full -time job.

400
00:24:39,860 --> 00:24:41,240
Never work to live, Bob.

401
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,000
Always live to work.

402
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:46,420
You don't find yourself in a job you
don't love with a passion.

403
00:24:47,230 --> 00:24:48,670
Die young and you'll be miserable.

404
00:24:49,110 --> 00:24:52,530
I had a fabulous job. I still managed to
be miserable.

405
00:24:52,870 --> 00:24:56,150
That is just a pose, Dinah. You just
like being contrary.

406
00:24:56,730 --> 00:24:58,050
I'd fool you, can I?

407
00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:01,590
But we can fool everyone else. We
certainly can.

408
00:25:03,490 --> 00:25:04,810
Oh, God, how disgusting.

409
00:25:05,510 --> 00:25:07,550
What's disgusting, dear, apart from your
vol -au -vent?

410
00:25:08,070 --> 00:25:09,070
Well,

411
00:25:09,830 --> 00:25:12,210
look at the old witch. She's all over
that lovely young man.

412
00:25:12,430 --> 00:25:13,430
Yeah, it's going well, isn't it?

413
00:25:13,650 --> 00:25:15,930
Darling, you'll probably catch
something.

414
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,140
If you'll excuse me, I must copulate.

415
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:23,800
Circulate.

416
00:25:24,820 --> 00:25:28,040
Marion does know what's going on,
doesn't she? It's six o 'clock and a

417
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,540
gins. Marion hasn't a clue what's going
on.

418
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,480
Hello, Harvey.

419
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:33,180
Jane, you're touching me.

420
00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:34,460
I know.

421
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:37,580
Wave it a bit longer. We'll get your
camera ready.

422
00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:41,280
Jane, they're playing your song. Go on,
go and have a singy -singy.

423
00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:43,620
Come on, then, Geoff.

424
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,320
I'm not sure about all this. Oh, be a
man, Geoffrey.

425
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,100
Yes, that's what Marion's always saying.

426
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,120
Actually, I'd rather be a tortoise. Just
pull your head into your shell, the

427
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:53,120
whole world goes away.

428
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,240
Camera, Geoffrey.

429
00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:56,340
Hello.

430
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,219
Hi, Marion.

431
00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:02,660
Oh, it's a lovely party.

432
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,820
You don't have to talk to the old battle
knight, you know.

433
00:26:06,220 --> 00:26:07,420
Oh, but I love talking to Diana.

434
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,180
Young fella like you.

435
00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:11,440
What you need is a young woman.

436
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,600
You're 38, Marion. You're twice Bob's
age.

437
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,620
I'm not 500 times his age.

438
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,420
I just thought you might like to spend
some time with a real woman.

439
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:22,980
Well, isn't Diana a real woman?

440
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,059
Of course not.

441
00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:26,780
She's got more spare parts than a cuda
factory.

442
00:26:29,980 --> 00:26:33,420
Please, don't leave my side. I find you
desperately attractive.

443
00:26:37,779 --> 00:26:38,840
Hello, I'm back.

444
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,060
Oh, we did miss you.

445
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,400
Have a drink.

446
00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:47,940
OK, Geoff, I'll do the lights, you go
for your light. I can't do it. What?

447
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:49,420
It's immoral.

448
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,340
Yeah? I can't do it.

449
00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:55,780
You're a bag of wet cement, Geoffrey,
give me that. You do the light.

450
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:58,600
In the cold.

451
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:02,100
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again.

452
00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:13,100
Oh, Bob.

453
00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:18,100
Wonderful, wonderful, Bob. That's
brilliant, brilliant.

454
00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:20,300
Yeah, yeah, well done, well done.

455
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,600
Diana will be out before she can say
naughty nookie.

456
00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:30,220
You bet Bob and Diana going hammer and
tongs.

457
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,080
You were in there.

458
00:27:35,060 --> 00:27:36,320
So who's in the bedroom?